We all spend time in a Closed Mindset, but if we change the language we use to keep us there, we can be pleasantly surprised by the results.
In this fourth March short Podcast, I ask you to challenge your Mindset Language.
I’m Dinah Liversidge and I’m a Coach and Trainer, a Celebrant and co-host of The Charcoal Hut, a woodland cabin in Myddfai, Carmarthenshire. I’m also a no-box-thinker. I believe when we stop trying to ‘think outside the box’ we take away labels and limitations that were always an illusion. There never was a box.
I love being a Coach, a Celebrant and a Host. All these aspects of my life help me achieve that illusive ‘work-life balance’ so many seem to be striving for. Join me in Myddfai in our woodland garden for a #MyddfaiMinute and listen to one minute of birdsong. I hope it brings you some peace.
If you’d like to explore Coaching, take a look at my Mindset Coaching here.
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Hi there I'm Dinah Liversidge . Thanks for joining me on my no box thinking podcast. In this episode, the fourth in the series of 10 for March, I'm still focusing on how we can learn a new language to support our mindset. And today my focus is on the words that you repeat to yourself that are reinforcing your closed mindset. Now, none of us likes to think of ourselves as having a closed mindset, but as I've said in previous episodes, I see mindset as an ever changing and flowing thing. You're not a mindset unless perhaps you are a real narcissist, but most of us are a constant flow and AB between the different mindsets, depending on the situation we find ourselves in the mood we've picked that particular day. And also of course our history in the situation or the people that we're interacting with. So it is fair to expect that at least some of the time we are in a closed mindset and it it's often really, it's kind of most apparent when we get feedback from somebody that isn't a hundred percent positive. Now there will be occasions where our impostor mindset kicks in and kind of uses that evidence and says, see, I told you I was bad at that, but when we're in our closed mindset, we hear the negative and we feel that it's very critical. And often with the closed mindset in place, we think it's unjustified. So we become defensive. We look at ways to either belittle the person, giving us the feedback, or at least in our own mind, dismiss them as an unimportant opinion. Now, the dangerous thing about this is we're missing an opportunity for learning. If we hear criticism one way or in an open or growth mindset, we see it as a chance to do it better next time to learn from our mistakes. But when we're in a closed mindset, we're not even really acknowledging or owning the mistake. And we use words that keep us there. We'll say things like, what does he, what gives her the right to tell me that? And that language actually needs to be challenged. And you need to give the evidence that, that sarcastic, sarcastic question you're asking yourself actually should be given, which is, well, let's look at the evidence. They do have a right to comment. I was watching a program recently in which somebody was asked for their feedback on food that someone had cooked. And the feedback was very negative. And the cook, the chef said, well, they've got no right to comment. They're not chefs, but they were his customers. So while they may not be an expert in cookery or knowing how to prepare a dish, like a chef word, they're certainly experts in eating it. And they're also experts in knowing what they like, which clearly he wasn't. But because he was in that very closed space and being very defensive, he wasn't hearing look, we're giving you a chance to improve. I remember in my very early twenties, I was working , uh , for somebody at SmithKline , um, who was absolutely brilliant at what he did, but not particularly great at communicating. Um, he was not, not good at the soft skills. Let's put it that way. And he gave me some feedback once on a piece of work I'd done that took my breath away. It was done in such a cold and harsh way that I really thought my goodness. He just thinks I'm useless at my job. And after sitting at my desk feeling really upset for a few minutes, he came out of his office and looked at me and looked quite kind of, Oh goodness. You know, do I need this? I can see how I've upset her . And he said, I've upset you have an eye. And I said, yeah, yeah , that , that was hard to listen to. And he said, if I didn't think you were way better than that piece of work, if I didn't think you were worth me giving you the feedback to allow you to improve, do you really think I'd have wasted my time on it? And he helped me see that actually, when we get feedback back like this from somebody it's our chance to do better. And if they don't think we're capable, they just won't bother to tell us. So I moved from a closed and then imposter mindset to a really, really growth mindset about now. Sure. It can still feel uncomfortable and even humiliating. But if you can take a deep breath and step out of your closed space and say, what does give this person the right to tell me this? Um , why might they be bothering? What did they see in me that perhaps I don't see in myself. I wonder if any of that feels appropriate to you. I wonder if you can recall times where that defensive closed mindset has meant you then have to go on to keep learning that lesson until you're ready to hear it. Thank you for joining me in the next episode. I'm going to look at how you can start a new language for your mindset. I hope you'll join me and I hope you'll keep remembering. You don't need to try and think outside the box when you realize there is no box.