No-box-thinking with Dinah Liversidge

No-box-approach to Self-love

May 29, 2019 Dinah Liversidge Episode 1
No-box-thinking with Dinah Liversidge
No-box-approach to Self-love
Chapters
No-box-thinking with Dinah Liversidge
No-box-approach to Self-love
May 29, 2019 Episode 1
Dinah Liversidge

I share my thoughts on how I approach self-love from my no-box-thinking perspective and how I see the current messages as simply reinforcing the sense that we are not enough as we are.

Show Notes Transcript

I share my thoughts on how I approach self-love from my no-box-thinking perspective and how I see the current messages as simply reinforcing the sense that we are not enough as we are.

Speaker 1:

Hi there, I'm Dinah Liversidge. Thanks so much for joining me on my podcast today. I wanted to share my thoughts on no box thinking when it comes to loving ourselves or self-love. It's one of those topics that coaches and gurus, people in general in the kind of self help industry talk about a lot. You hear a lot that without loving yourself first, you're never going to be loved or you can't love other people. Maybe you're picking up from my tone of voice that I don't feel that that's my personal truth. So in my no box world, self-love looks a little bit different. I think for me, what I found to be my truth is that the more I make my focus about other people and improving their lives or their day or even just that moment that we're spending together, the more I feel good about myself. So my self love, self care, self, um, reassurance that I'm a good person in a good space on my terms comes from my interaction with other people, not from my interactions with myself. So I have this strong sense. There is no coincidence that at a time when, young people, middle aged people and older people, so every age group today, is struggling with self love, self image, self care, mindfulness, ( now there's a word I have an issue with), wellness, happiness, contentment, joy. We're all struggling. Whatever age group you look at, I can't help but feel there has to be a link between that and this constant focus on self. There's a big message to self from everything we look at that says you are not enough. You're not good enough. You're not tall enough, fit enough, thin enough, curvy enough, non curvy enough, whatever it is. You know, bright enough, career minded, enough, balanced enough that enough, constantly bombards self with negative messages and we then go out and reinforce those negative messages to self with this self love. And the way I see that happening is that young people go out and take selfies, but you see the selfie they chose on their Instagram or Facebook account. What you don't see is the 20 or 30 or 40 or you know, pick a number that they took and looked at and decided 'I'm not "enough" in those. I have to retake my selfie.' My message to self yet again is I'm not enough. And yet they have often said to me when I've discussed this with people who take a lot of selfies, it's great for my confidence. That's why I do it. I'm not buying that, I'm not buying that. And I don't think the people who said it are buying it either. So self love to me, you have to decide to take a few steps. If you're going to go down the no box route, there has to be a commitment to more focus on others, less focused on self. There has to be a focus on fewer selfies and more time enjoying the space where you thought, this is a moment where I should take a selfie. How about this is a moment where I should be present and enjoy this. And the other thing I did myself, which worked was I decided to have a life with fewer mirrors, So that I didn't catch reflections of my self at moments that would make me stop and criticize. I only have two mirrors now in my whole house. One is above the bathroom cabinet so that John, when the mood takes him can have a shave and the other's in the hall at the height that is actually my face and that's it. So I can check I'm not grubby before I go out! But it was a big part of it for me not being obsessed with self and how I looked when I left. I wanted it to be how I made people feel when I left my home to be with others. And then the biggest one to deciding to do this approach to self love is to decide that I don't have to seek praise from other people to feel good and that about me, I don't need the reassurance of other people saying you look or you come across as or you are beautiful, gorgeous, attractive, welcoming, friendly, intelligent, all those words, whatever it for you. I'm no longer going to go and seek those out. I'm going to be okay with self, with my self, without needing those reassurances. It's a big step. It's one well worth taking. That's a box that I have always found it very easy to stay in. It's a safe place, the selfie place. It's a harder place to step outside and let people take you as you are exciting. Give it a go. There never was a box. Thanks for joining me. I'm Dinah Liversidge and I'd love you to look me up on my Facebook page, Facebook forward slash noboxthinking. See you soon.